January 2012
31 posts
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FRAT BOY DREAMS = CRUSHED
Tamare: i dated a frat douche from pike
Me: PIKE!? zomg
Tamare: ya danny makes fun of me
Tamare: apparently pikes are douches
Tamare: but these guys were nice!
Tamare: his name was josh and he was such a douche
Tamare: he worked for Vitamin water
Me: “his name was josh and he was such a douche”
Me: that is the statement every girl has uttered who has ever dated a frat guy
Tamare: hahahah
Me: VITAMIN WATER
Me: OMG TAMMY hahahhaha
Me: so classic
Tamare: he apparently once rode ATVs with 50 Cent
Tamare: TRUE STORY
Tamare: he was like "ill take u sometime" … i know him
Me: i just drooled on my laptop
Me: no
Me: i am sorry
Tamare: omg hahahahaha
Me: he never rode ATVs with 50 cent
Tamare: but 50 cent had a house in CT!
Tamare: cuz 50 cent did the vitamin water
Me: THAT DOESNT MEAN UR EX BF JOSH FROM PIKE WAS FRIENDS W/HIM
Tamare: HAHAHA
Tamare: waaaaaaah
Tamare: that was his only redeeming quality
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The Question of the Day
me: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! let’s do it.
david: I guess the only real question is what won’t we need samurai sword lessons for.
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-saturdaynightlive:
“I don’t get down with jerking off, dude.”
The fact that Mark Wahlberg apparently doesn’t masturbate is more shocking to me than the fact that Mark Wahlberg honestly thinks that he could have prevented 9/11.
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Anyone else think it's weird...
…how Connie Chung and Maury Povich are married?
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Jay-Z's new track →
Baby born on Saturday. Featured in new track by Tuesday, billed as B.I.C.
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lemme just say,
the oasis pandora station i’ve been listening to all day has put me in a really, really awesome mood.
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December 2011
20 posts
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“He looks like Zorro on doughnuts.”
– Noel Gallagher on Jack White.
(More musician beefs here.)
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Death and Bagelz
me: hey you wanna know something funny
coworker: sure
me: i had a dream that you and i were plummeting to our deaths in an elevator
coworker: youre a fucking bummer today huh
hahahaha
me: wait wait i didn't get to the funny part yet
coworker: oh ok lol
me: so we're in this elevator
coworker: i thougth that was the punchline
me: and you have a bum leg, which is strange
coworker: well i did
me: and it's dark
me: and we're plummeting down like a billion stories
me: and we both know we're about to die
me: and i was like wow this is going to be great
me: finally i will get some peace
me: because i'll be dead
coworker: dude
me: and then i realized that this building we were in
me: was a building for bagels
coworker: whaa
me: like a bagel shop but like a billion stories
me: and you made a joke about how funny it was that we were in this particular bagel building
coworker: dude you need to like seek help
me: and not the other bagel building in town that was only 1 story
me: hahahahahhaa
coworker: why would tht be funny haha
me: beacuse we were about to die in a bagel building!!
me: why would a bagel building be a billion stories?!?!
coworker: great point
me: oh and then we crashed and i was a little dizzy and we got out of the crumpled elevator and iw as like 'am i dead? is this what it feels like to be dead? everything looks the same you're just dead?'
me: and then this weird "recovery" lady made me start doing yoga
me: and i realized i was probably still alive
coworker: hmm
coworker: i think it means like the hole in the bagel is your life and obviously direct interaction with me is the only thing that will save you from dying as you plummet into it
coworker: you are not the first person to have had this realization its ok
me: lol i didnt tell you this so you could analyze it
coworker: oh...well i did
me: i think it's as simple as feeling so stressed out i wish i were dead on bagel friday
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#NoRegrets
me: my first play ever was Cinderella
me: and i was a mouse
tamare: hahaha that's so cute
me: yeah i was like 6
tamare: i was in Beauty and the Beast
tamare: and
tamare: i was a horse.
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Watchvogue:
BEHIND THE SCENES: Meryl Streep Photographed by Annie Leibovitz for the January Issue of Vogue
Meryl Streep supports the National Women’s History Museum’s leaders and makes them all pose for VOGUE.
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WatchIn Which Brian Williams meets Marcel the Shell and I Die and Go to Heaven.
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marcel the shell
liz: i just decided
liz: you and david
liz: remind me of jenny slate and dean fleischer camp
liz: i hope you take that as a compliment